Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Healing Process

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Ya Allah,i pray to you ..may you give me strength and patience to face all these..~

Assalamualaikum..~
Third day without having 'someone' beside.again..it sucks!!saye tak tau kenape hari ni saye banyak berangan [thats what my friends said] i am not!!i guess..~its just that ttibe jek terflash back balik those things that happened 5 years ago.sedeh laaa!! kenape saye tak penah rase macam ni mase saye break ups with my previous ex's dulu?knape this time saye sangat terase that i'm LOSING someone that i really loved most [uhukk] saketnye ya Allah..~i thought i'll be okay after the breakup thingy happens.unfortunately tak pon..its getting worst! maybe this is the real feelings bile kite tpakse sacrifice our own feeling, letting go someone that used to be a part of our life.sekarang..saye banyak berdoa supaye Allah  bagi kekuatan untuk saye accept the reality.

been wondering what he's been doing right now.did he thinks about me?did he miss me???huu..~ye ye jek saye ni.padahal, saye yang rase macamtu..[huhu] deep down inside,i still want him back.but definitely i'm afraid of being hurt again..~kalo dah jodoh,takkan nak tolak.even bukan jodoh skalipon, i have to face it.everything happens is seriously beyond hurt and hard to face but i'm sure i will get through all these.everything happens for a reason kan? Allah takkan bagi ujian yang kita tak boleh hadapi , i am strong and i know that.I can feel it.


i'll be okay and I will be better than okay :') InsyaAllah..~hoping that my beloved families and friends will always be with me.don't promise something that you can't do.you will hurt people's feeling..



Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Harder To Breath

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Assalamualaikum..

Second day with 'new life' was totally sucks!!i can't even managed myself.huu..how pathetic i am.my head rase macam nak explode jek [maybe sebab dah banyak sangat input kot].i realized,dari smalam saye kerap jek rase saket kpale.and suddenly rase macam nak pengsan.seriously, i don't know why.besides,still..i'm having a difficulties to fall asleep.last thing yang saye ingat before i fell asleep was..saye ternanges tetibe when i realized that bile saye bangun pagi nanti..saye akan seda yang die dah 'takde'.then saye dah tak ingat.terus tetido kot.but before that, my mom called.i was so damn surprised.how did she know?macamane die tau??and i'm sorry mama sebab i sounds macam taknak cakap jek.its just that,i wanted to be alone.sorry ma!!

Today was just one of those days where everything i did reminded me of him and every song i heard somehow related to him.seriously, i hate days like today.because they remind me of the one thing I don't have [huu] sedehnye!Awak..do you feel what i felt now??Frustrated because i can't tell if it's real.mad because i don't know how you feel..upset because we can't make it right.sad because i need you day and night..angry because you won't take my hand.aggravated because you don't understand..and..disappointed because we can't be together.those feelings dah cukop to make me realized that..still i love you forever..



P/S : a sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you,only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go..

Monday, June 27, 2011

Outdated Entry- A Test From God

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Bismillahirahmanirrahim..~

banyak btol mende yang jadik lately.saye tau..semue tuh adalah dugaan bagi saye and 'the others'.tak pnah langsung saye terpikir or even imagine that this thing will happened.tapi saye tau..Allah memang sengaja nak uji hamba die.kekadang kite rase happy bile semue yang jadik around us turns to be sooo sweet.and bile kite happy..kite mulela lupe tentang susah payah in our life.and when our life's turnes to be bitter..baru kite mule nak ingat DIA. sedehnye saye..~kenape la semue ni perlu jadik dekat saye n yg lelaen.and seriously..i love my life and my family.and PLEASE..seboleh-bolehnye saye taknak pon ade sesiape/something that pry into our life.
kesian adek-adek saye..
and kesian mama saye..[goshh..I REALLY LOVE THIS WOMEN]
Ya tuhan..tolongla..tak boleh ke semue dugaan NYAH dari kitorang..pathetic jek rase skarang..huu..

p/s: this is not a recent entry.it supposed to be published 2 days ago.haha

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Relationship Therapy Needed !

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Saye baru lpas dr mind-therapy..gosh..knapela if we're in love+soul relationship,slalu sangat BAD things happened to each other..
BOSAN
MENYAMPAH
SAKET HATI
BOSAN
FED-UP
BOSAN..
BOSAN!! [ye..saye tau..repetition-syndrome ]:itwasntme:

actly..saye da macam da immune with all this thingy..sampaikan saye da jadik tak kesah..[adoii]
well..macam everyday jek kitorg gado..aduhh..BOSAN nye!!
hmm..suddenly i get this wisdom words babbling from one of my buddy..took it from his blog..Thanks then! eheh..

Those are actly the secrets of argument in a relationship.i believe those bole mengelakkan pertengkaran yang tak membina n bole mengakibatkan kesan serius terhadap hubungan anda.

1) Hanya bertengkar jika pertengkaran tersebut boleh membuat anda dan pasangan anda menjadi insan yang lebih baik.

Tiada gunanya anda bertengkar mengenai perkara yang tidak berasas seperti siapa yang harus buang sampah hari ini. Masalah seperti ini sangat mudah dan sia-sia untuk ditengkar. Salah seorang harus membuang sampah dan jika tidak, rumah pasti berbau. Simple bukan?. Jika anda kerap bertengkar mengenai masalah remeh dan tidak berasas seperti ini, salah seorang patut mengingatkan satu sama lain agar tidak bertengkar jika hal itu tidak membawa kepada kebaikan kepada kedua-dua pihak.

2) Jangan menyerang ego masing-masing

Tiada lelaki yang suka digelar sebagai pengecut, dan tiada wanita suka dilayan seperti seorang hamba yang lemah. Tetapkan sempadan ego anda dan umumkan kepada pasangan anda agar kedua-dua anda dan pasangan anda tahu sempadan ego masing-masing. Contohnya, anda dan pasangan anda telah menetapkan untuk tidak sesekali bertengkah di khalayak ramai.

3) Hanya salah seorang yang patut bercakap kita pertengkaran

Pertengakaran akan menjadi sia-sia dan membuang banyak masa dan tenaga sekiranya kedua-dua pihak menjerit kepada satu sama lain tanpa mencari jalan konstruktif ke arah penyelesaian. Salah seorang patut memainkan peranan sebagai pendengar sementara seorang lagi sedang bercakap atau meluahkan perasaannya.

4) Mana-mana pihak boleh keluar daripada pertengakaran untuk ‘cool down’

Perasaan amarah boleh memudaratkan pertengakaran anda. Keputusan anda juga boleh terjejas sekiranya anda berfikir dalam keadaan penuh emosi marah ketika hendak membuat keputusan. Kesannya pasti memudaratkan. Jadi, apabila salah seorang dariapda anda berasa terlalu emosi, maka eloklah keluar sekejap untuk menenangkan diri atau ‘cool down’ terlebih dahulu. Pihak yang satu lagi harus menerima situasi ini sebagai ‘masa rehat’ , sama seperti di dalam perlawanan tinju. Dah sejuk sikit, bolehlah sambung kembali dengan minda yang lebih tenang :)

p/s : Marah ni angkara syaitan. Jadi jangan layan sangat marah ni.

5) Tetapkan pertengkaran ini ada yang menang dan ada yang kalah

Betul, setiap pertengkaran haruslah diselesaikan dengan ‘win win situation’. Namun beberapa jenis pertengkaran yang melibatkan fakta dan objektiviti seperti pengurusan wang, dan melibatkan alasan yang kukuh (kepakaran di dalam sesuatu bidang) memang harus ditentukan siapa pemenangnya. Tetapi ini tidak bermakna pihak yang kalah tidak menerima si pemenang. Pihak yang kalah harus menerima bahawa pendapat pasangannya lebih baik untuk kedua-dua pihak. Inilah baru ‘win win situation’ yang sebenar.

p/s: WELL,SAYE REALIZED THAT THOSE MEMANG SAYE N DIE PNAH N ADE BWAT..EGO..EMOTIONAL ETC..SAYE SANGAT SETUJU WITH ALL OF HIS STATEMENTS..BUDDY,U R RIGHT!!N HOPEFULLY THIS CAN BE MY THERAPY TO SOLVE MY RELATIONSHIP-SYNDROME PROBS NI..AMIN!


x O x O:thumbsup:

Thursday, March 05, 2009

♣ Hated 'IT' !! ♣

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Ermm..suddenly i had this freakin-feeling inside..[it doesn't sounds good at all]i dunno..but what i knw is that..i'm in PUZZLED!:(obviously..i hate this feeling!!i REALLY AM..~tons of works..missing home..missing my family..missing my love ones..crucial feeling towards d management&academic department...ARGHH!!i wanted to be away from 'these'[shit!!]

okay..i'd been counting on the days so that i'll be away from this college-thingy SOON..:nanges:[pray for me eh?]seriously,its been a year saye da bkhidmat kat that college ni..n still LOTS of things saye tak brape satisfied.in terms of the work-loads..payment..n one thing..d management itself..no wonder la why my students kept on complaining blabla..:pelik:

i absolutely had no intention to had these 'wormy-feelings'..tp since i'd been pushed to do this n thats..harusla saye rase PRESSURE..[ma..i need u:mati:] yesterday i do talked to my mom about this.n harusla saye mengadu kat die.she did comforts me a LOTS..n bile saye cite EVERYTHING at her..she's quite surprised.n one thing for sure..she asked me to be patient..its juzza work burden n she bet i can handled it very well.i am!YES i did!!tapi deep down inside..i'm not happy with myself..with d whole thing..

its juz that..i'm EXHAUSTED!devastated maybe..~:nanges: i don't even have time for my family..n of cos between work n family..derang lagik PENTING rather than anything else.tp what can i do..~still,i have to do this..n that..[urghh..silly me!]okay..this coming 20th-24th, i have to join the 2 marketing staffs to Kelantan for d roadshow [what d heck??!!]y suddenly saye kene pgi??sy tak involved lgsg dlm marketing ni OKAY??i'mma LECTURER..n what d DAMN HECK saye kene pegi???:what:

seriously,this time i can't go with them..i had things to do.things that's really important for me n my family.n one more thing..on 20th mama will be here..:(n if u r in my situation..which one u'll choose??..~n i'd made up my mind..i choosed my LOVE ONES..~saye tak kesah what will happen n what will they say..all this while, i wanted to pamper myself..i need some space [at least] for my family..~n bcos of this had-no-time-thingy..saye asyk bgado with my love ones:nanges:

dahla bwt marketing pon takde pape commission..F.O.C!!everything yg saye bwat skarang saye tak dpt pape pon..its not that saye bkire..tapi please..try to understand me n d other staffs..da name pon keje.harusla sbb nk cari duet![BENGONGS!]they asked me to handled 3 subjects for DIP's,monitor d kitchen..in charged of MLVK-Commis..tp ape yg saye dpt??lgsg tak dpt extra allowances..:(tak b'baloi lgsg!

SERIOUSLY..SAYE DA SANGAT PENAT!!!!!

:sheep::sheep:
x O x O

Friday, December 26, 2008

[ Hasty Friday ]

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Yahh..ok..knew that i havto work today:geram: i inhaled deeply n silently..breathing calm onto my raging sensibilities[huu] and yes,i do fashioned a rudimentary look of sympathy to my you're-the-only-mate-today[she's one of my tourism lec-mates] showing that..what the hell it is that we've to work on this FREAKIN-FRIDAY!!!:blah:arrghh!!memang skarang tgh b'kobar-kobar nak amik leave on this coming 30th[tak kire!!] i don't give a damn..~as long as i had this few-days-hols..i would do anything to make me'self set off from these tons of works![eheh]

few mins ago..i reckon i should get the leave form from the frontdesk[aiyarkk!]harusla kene hanjeng ngan set-set depan cause suddenly nak amik leave on this 30th:pelik:so i was like..cut the craps!..'who cares??!!':D

lalala..~saye da rase macam nak gile kat cni..with the damn-shit ringing phone[bebunyik tak benti-benti]..pc yg asyik nak hanged!n those chaos from outside[arghh!!]


:pening:
x O x O

Thursday, November 06, 2008

☼ Self-NEGLIGENCE ☼

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Do i supposed to say that it was MY fault??Adoii..since yesterday i kept on searching for my PMR slip [haha.bet it sounds funny kan?]But hey..it is!!ntah mane tah pegi that slip.Apparently,i decided to update my SPP application..but then i realized that i need to put on my PMR result.N bile cari..adoii..tah mane menhilang[tension²] Called me daddy n asked about the slip..but suddenly die plak yang marah[sedeh]the damn-thing wasn't with him actually..Neither ME!!so..mane plak gi slip tuh??[parah ni]..
HELP ME!
HELP ME!!

:angry:

x O x O

Friday, October 31, 2008

♣ DEPRESSION SYNDROME ♣

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♪ Lala ♪
Saye menaip lagi..
Suddenly one of my lecturer-mates bagi new task soh tolong die plaks..[sepbaek diri ini iklas]..Agak memeningkan jgak nak buat transkrip students nih..[sigh]..
Well..at the same time,tgh Ym ngan HE.At last,after what had happened to us previously..it taught us a LOTS.Juzza hope that we'll be back to normal.Like what we used to be before [huhu]
Yesterday..lasnight was my worst nightmare ever happened to me..Saye TERsgt la STOOPID!Being so insane..buat mende tak pk the repercussions [huhu]..
I was DEPRESSED!!
WE rili hadda BIG fight lasnite.n when all the burdens are ALL OVER me..i become so STRESSED n started to throw things away from me [sgt la BONGOKS]..I was hysterically yelling..crying like a baby [bile pk balik..adoii!TERsgtla burok prangai].ahaks..~those are the things that i did when i was EXTREMELY become insane,ok??? [tgkla the list kat bawah]

(1) Throwing things that i LOVE [nasebla..sape soh ade d tempat kejadian]:
- my pillow [kesian..da lunyai d campak.hukk]
- my JOVIE,cute lil.pink hippo [tak patot d campak smpai terperosok tepi laundry basket]
- my ipod [adoii..cam aim jek kat mane nk campak-ATAS carpet.ahaks.kalo tak..da bsepai da]
(2) Tear off my DIARY [diary ok??!!SUNGGOH KEJAM diriku ini]
(3) Harmed me'self [yg ni lagila TERsgt saye tak bole trime.BODOH²!!]
(4) Broke my glasses [pkai lense lagila camni]

Tu jekk..tapi mcm STOOPID jek kn buat sume tuh?? [huu]..i mean,i shouldn't did any of it.it was NONSENSE!!tapi yg pasti..after i did dat #3..bile tetibe jek rase saket..i ran to the washroom [this is my fave.place bile rs SGT sedeh] n cried.Eh tlupe plak nk bgtau..takdela trus masok washroom n nanges..[haha] tengok dulu tempat yg rase saket..n trus bukak air kuat².then baru nanges..[tak caye??try aa.konfem rs relieve yg TERamat]..
So,dats what actually happened.i regrets [seriously i am]..
am NOT supposed to re-act that way n already promise to me'self..i will CHANGED.changed into sumthin gud n +ve..[go² chaiyookk]
Btw,moral of d story is..we have brain.TUHAN da kasik kite all the basic tuk kite,so..BE a wiser..Ingat ALLAH..[forever will]..
N d gud thing is..I'm OK!!hehe..actually takdela bwt ssuatu yg d luar kawalan neuron² otak..Juz at that time,i was unintentionally holdin a pen.Nak tulih diary mehh..so..bile da agak stress..mulela nk mencalarkan bende yg tak spatotnye [saket jgak sbnarnye].ahaks..
♪ Lalala ♪..~saye seorang yg mudah jadik gile..~hahaha..
aduhh..saket blakang la plak [mcm²]
:err:

x O x O



Wednesday, October 15, 2008

♣ work-LOADS stinks ♣

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Yayy!!i'm back..
Well..a bit awkward to write somethin down here..yela..previously,i used to write all those privacy stuffs in a DIARY.tp skrg,thru this blog la plaks..

Ermm..nothin much happened today.it's juz that..lots of things to do.Byk gile mende nk kene settle before my students final.the carry marks..final pappers..urghh..!!
But afterall,the carry marks sume da siap.cume tunggu nk paste kt notice board jek.Haha..~

The final pprs..urghh!Byk lg yg tak print..Hopefully before Friday sume da bole settle..so that takde la saket kpale otak ni.Huhu..~
Againn..the washrooms cannot be used!Ni kes tak byr ke hape?Penat tahan nk pee-pee n wee-wee..Adoii..Peliks jgak.toilet kt kitchen bole plak gune.Management kate nak repair dr smalam..but until now,tak dgr pon org btukang.Alamatnye..tpaksela tiru Kak Wan.Bawak botol air besa everytime dtg kolej.Ahaks..~
Atleast,takde la everytime nk tkucil..bwat excuse nak g KFC.Hahaha..~

Btw..i need to explore more on 'this'.and a big thanks to Munnie for the helps..[thanks,dear!]

Okla..gotto go..~Da nak balik.Yayy!!To be continued..


:angry:

x O x O