☀ I Will Be ☀

There’s nothing I could say to you

Nothing I could ever do to make you see

What you mean to me

All the pain the tears I cried

Still you never said goodbye and now I know how far you’d go

I know I let you down but it's not like that now

This time I’ll never let you go

I will be all that you want and get myself together

Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life I’ll be with you forever

To get you through the day and make everything OK

I thought that I had everything I didn’t know what life could bring

But now I see honestly

You're the one thing I got right

The only one I let inside

Now I can breathe 'cause you're here with me

And if I let you down I’ll turn it all around

Cause I would never let you go

I will be all that you want and get myself together

Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life I’ll be with you forever

To get you through the day and make everything OK

Cause with out you I can’t sleep

I’m not gonna ever ever let you leave

You’re all I got

You’re all I want

Yeah

And without you I don’t know what I’d do

I could never ever live a day with out you

Hear with me do you see you're all I need

And I will be all that you want and get myself together

Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life (my life) I will be with you forever

To get you through the day and make everything OK

I will be (I’ll be) all that you want and get myself together

Cause you keep me from falling apart

And all my life you know I will be with you forever

To get you through the day and make everything OK

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Healing Process

Ya Allah,i pray to you ..may you give me strength and patience to face all these..~

Assalamualaikum..~

Third day without having 'someone' beside.again..it sucks!!saye tak tau kenape hari ni saye banyak berangan [thats what my friends said] i am not!!i guess..~its just that ttibe jek terflash back balik those things that happened 5 years ago.sedeh laaa!! kenape saye tak penah rase macam ni mase saye break ups with my previous ex's dulu?knape this time saye sangat terase that i'm LOSING someone that i really loved most [uhukk] saketnye ya Allah..~i thought i'll be okay after the breakup thingy happens.unfortunately tak pon..its getting worst! maybe this is the real feelings bile kite tpakse sacrifice our own feeling, letting go someone that used to be a part of our life.sekarang..saye banyak berdoa supaye Allah  bagi kekuatan untuk saye accept the reality.

been wondering what he's been doing right now.did he thinks about me?did he miss me???huu..~ye ye jek saye ni.padahal, saye yang rase macamtu..[huhu] deep down inside,i still want him back.but definitely i'm afraid of being hurt again..~kalo dah jodoh,takkan nak tolak.even bukan jodoh skalipon, i have to face it.everything happens is seriously beyond hurt and hard to face but i'm sure i will get through all these.everything happens for a reason kan? Allah takkan bagi ujian yang kita tak boleh hadapi , i am strong and i know that.I can feel it.

i'll be okay and I will be better than okay :') InsyaAllah..~hoping that my beloved families and friends will always be with me.don't promise something that you can't do.you will hurt people's feeling..

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Harder To Breath

Assalamualaikum..

Second day with 'new life' was totally sucks!!i can't even managed myself.huu..how pathetic i am.my head rase macam nak explode jek [maybe sebab dah banyak sangat input kot].i realized,dari smalam saye kerap jek rase saket kpale.and suddenly rase macam nak pengsan.seriously, i don't know why.besides,still..i'm having a difficulties to fall asleep.last thing yang saye ingat before i fell asleep was..saye ternanges tetibe when i realized that bile saye bangun pagi nanti..saye akan seda yang die dah 'takde'.then saye dah tak ingat.terus tetido kot.but before that, my mom called.i was so damn surprised.how did she know?macamane die tau??and i'm sorry mama sebab i sounds macam taknak cakap jek.its just that,i wanted to be alone.sorry ma!!

Today was just one of those days where everything i did reminded me of him and every song i heard somehow related to him.seriously, i hate days like today.because they remind me of the one thing I don't have [huu] sedehnye!Awak..do you feel what i felt now??Frustrated because i can't tell if it's real.mad because i don't know how you feel..upset because we can't make it right.sad because i need you day and night..angry because you won't take my hand.aggravated because you don't understand..and..disappointed because we can't be together.those feelings dah cukop to make me realized that..still i love you forever..

P/S : a sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you,only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go..

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.HE.No Longer Mine.

Lot of things happened lately since i'd turned 27th.i thought turning 27 will be fun.but..none of it bring me happiness.i never felt this way before.i never had this devastated+ frustration +sadness feeling like what i felt now.Ya Allah..kuatkan lah diri saye and give me strength to face all this.knape perlu both things happened at the same time?but why me??and knape skarang??like seriously..those had ruined my life now.macamane saye nak face my future nanti.oowhh..pathetic nye saye rase.Ya Allah..kenape bagi saye ujian sedemikian rupe.knape cube untuk jaohkan saye daripade orang yang saye sangat sayang+cinte?i love my family so damn much!and i rather do anything just to make sure that i still have them with me.

tapi kenape bile saye dah 'dapat' my beloved family with me..saye hilang plak the other person that i loved most.tak bole ke saye dapat 2-2??salah ke?berdosa ke??goshh..life's so unfair!!kenape orang laen bole but when it comes to me..i have to let go one of it.WHY??ok Jiyna..your life memang sangat pathetic.you should face the fact that you can't get both of it.this is your destiny.believe on this..[huu]

DEAR AWAK, the one that i love most..

mungkin semalam, tak semua yang saye dapat luahkan.but if you read this..saye harap awak akan paham segala-gala nye..~

maybe sejaoh ni jek yang kite mampu pegi.we can't go more further.cos its impossible for us to do so.mungkin after this..we will learn to appreciate each other.we might not meant for each other..but within this 5 years,dah cukop untuk buktikan yang kite mampu be together as a soulmate.those ups and downs that we'd been thru..~THANK YOU for the precious years+moments.it might an END for us..tapi saye akan cube amek and gune setiap saat yang ade after this,untuk lebih kenal diri saye.and i won't forget every single moments we'd shared together.saye sangat happy sebab Allah bagi saye peluang untuk jumpe and kenal a guy like you.i was so happy sebab first i knew you as one of my close friend..and maybe Allah nak tengok sejaoh mane keserasian kite until we fell for each other as a lover.but unfortunately..we tend to do mistakes.sampaikan kite tak sedar yang those mistakes might lead us to 'this'.we both banyak kekurangan.and kite kene cube perbaiki setiap kekurangan yang ade.saye mintak maaf for my bad behaviour+tantrums.saye tau kekadang saye grumpy.irritating.didn't put my trust on you.bwat awak jeles.pk yang bebukan.jeles tak tentu pasal blablaa..even i did those to you,my feelings to you still remain the same.i still love you.still..~

i still remember our last conversation.it was so harsh.saye tau.tapi awak tau tak i'm having a crucial depression, struggling to find strength untuk keraskan hati to stick on what i've decide.i forced myself.tried so hard to find strength,to spill those 'goodbyes'.walaupon sebenarnye deep down inside..i don't want it to happen.saye taknak!!!!how can i live without you??can i face my life alone??huu..tapi saye tpakse.for our own good.so that kite takkan keep on hurting each other.kite tak penah nak appreciate setiap peluang yang kite ade.YOU..ME..we both same jek!and i know that we need both side to commit to each other.saye mintak maaf bile awak merayu for another one more chance.and i said NO.awak terdiam.saye tau awak dissapointed.so do i..~i have to..and i am sorry..

after this..we both will be on our own way.goshh..definitely that's the hardest thing yang saye tak bole bwat.i don't know how to faced this breakup thingy.i was so weak.felt like i'm losing a part of myself.and yes..i am suffering now walaupon baru beberapa jam it happened.i wonder how's you been doing.do you felt the same thing??huu..~having no one beside except my tears.saye tak tau macamane nak bagitau my family.saye tau derang akan sedeh.saye tau derang akan dissapointed.and my friends..~saye harap awak takkan lupe saye and those things yang kite penah shared before this.you are the best thing i've ever had.and obviously, i won't forget you..~

Dear beloved families and friends, saye mintak maaf sebab i couldn't be able to save this relationship.maafkan saye.and trime kaseh sebab sentiase bagi sokongan and mendoakan hubungan+jodoh saye dengan Daniel slame ni.i did a lot of mistakes and sucha loser..maybe thats why i lose in my own game.thank you so much and jangan penah jemu untuk berdoa untuk saye and Daniel supaye Allah dekatkan kami kalo betol la we're actually meant for each other.saye takkan menolak kalo itu ketentuan-Nya.kalo bukan sekalipon,doakan supaye dijodohkan dengan orang yang lebih baek dari kitorang.once again..thank you!!

P/S: supposed to be yesterday's entry..~

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How To Tell if Your Guy Fears Commitment

I found this interesting topic from one of my faveret channel.I just love it! and thanks for making me speechless [hahaha]

 Here it goes, girls..

1.  What does a guy mean when he says, “I need space?”

2.  What should we do when he asks for it?

Anyway..this is just a common male pulling-back behaviour in relationships.but its not normal when 'it' happen to be no changes.the only answer is : COMMITMENT

There are some men who are not capable of getting over their fear of commitment, and will use phrases like, “I need some time to myself,” “Let’s take a break,” or the classic, “I need some space” not to buy themselves some time to workthrough their issues but to keep you at arm’s length.

A guy like this has zero intentions of getting serious with you, taking your relationship to the next level, becoming exclusive, or marrying you.

He knows he wants you in his life, he doesn’t want to lose you, yet he is incapable of meeting your need for a committed relationship.When he senses that you’re itching for some reassurance that he’s not going anywhere, he plays the “space” card to avoid heavy conversations or promises. Once he’s scared you enough, he’ll come back, knowing at that point you’re justrelieved he didn’t break up with you, and you won’t press him on a commitment again…at least for a while.

So how do you know if your man is just going through normal guy fears, or if he’s genuinely incapable of commitment?

• If the pull-back happens in the first few months of your relationship, and after you cheerfully give him space he comes back, willing and eager to make a commitment, it was just normal guy fears.

• If he does not initiate the “let’s be exclusive” conversation within the first 6 months (and shoots you down if you bring it up first), he’s probably not capable of getting serious.

• If he pushes and pulls you back multiple times, especially after you’ve been together 6 months or more, he’s got major commitment issues.

• If he does agree to a commitment, or talks of future plans like marriage, and then takes back his promises and tries to downgrade your relationship to a less-serious level, he is definitely a Commitment-Phobe.

What should you do if you’re dating a commitment-phobic guy?

Give him exactly what he’s asking for: All the space in the world.

Let him know, in a kind but firm tone, that you’ve enjoyed dating him but you’re looking for a more serious commitment. Describe what that looks like to you (marriage, a family, etc).This is not an ultimatum or a threat, this is simply you letting him know what you want from a relationship. Then tell him that, since there is no commitment between the two of you, you are going to date other men. If he changes his mind and decides he wants more than casual dating, he’s welcome to get in touch with you, and you’ll let him know if you’re still interested.

Chances are, though, you’ll have moved on to someone who is honored to plan a future with you, leaving Mr. Commitment-Phobe lost in space.

p/s : hmm..after all..those memang make sense to me.macam logik kott + obviously macam ade kene mengena sket with my relationship [ahaks!] anyway,which one of it represents 'him'?but then what should i do??? you know what you should do, Jiyna ..

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✿ Best Deals From GROUPON ✿

Woohoo!!

i'm addicted to online shopping sekarang.i am!! cos i'd realized that..hari ni jek saye dah spent almost 12 hours browsing those cheapest vouchers during this coming festive [ahaks!] i just found 'one' which is other than CARI [often offers the best deal vouchers]..GROUPON pon agak cambest jugak.smalam jek saye dah purchase 2 products from Groupon and kalo ikotkan hati..macam nak jek beli sume + grab all of the vouchers.just can't believe it bile ternampak 'something' yang saye dah lame survey before this been offered 50% less.macam nak nanges pon ade [haha..poyo la kau!] harusla terus saye bli walaupon still it cost hundred.i won't tell what was the 'thing' yang saye adore sangat tuh..maybe soon i received the thingy..i'll reveal.ahaks!

like seriously,those online shopaholic kalo tak tau about Groupon..u guys should.best gile kot sebab nye not only those health/wellness products, foods etc..tapi ade jugak vacation offers!saye sangat menyesal sebab tak found out 'this' awal-awal dulu.banyak vacations yang derang dah offers which is..the price sangat-sangat affordable+cheapest.dari yang harge RM3k..after diskaun bole dapat RM99. gile tak best??! kalo tak best,takdela sampai the whole day ngadap.hmm..from here, i had this small thought of giving vouchers to my families and friends [walaupon beli dengan harge after diskaun.haha] like who cares?! take it or leave it.hee..lepas ni dah taknak bagi 'present'.orang kasik vouchers jek.aci?? hee..

p/s : So Groupon..i give you 5✰ for offering us the best deals ever!!!  

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Things To Do To Keep From Getting Bored Out of Your Skull At Work

Haha..this 3rd entry would definitely showed that i'm BORED now!!yes..i am doing SOMETHING to entertain myself now [haha]..well, i guess i did handled my boredom in such a good way.and it works!! cos i did 'those' since i'm in Nilai few years go..[hehe]..so, what do i do if i'm bored out of my skull at work??? anyway..i'm not going to pursue the longer answer in this post [ahaks] but am giving you some ideas for the shorter answer [wouldn't it great??]

Crank up the tunes..

hmm..i bet this one sounds similar to everybody [sume orang bwat kot]obviously,this is what i did at first.some funky or upbeat tunes might just do the trick..it can make any job much more fun.and i used to plug in my pink earbuds and sing along..[haha] i would rather go for those 90's songs mase zaman mude-mude dulu.seriyes best!Ramlah Ram pon saye layan kot..ahaks!

Go online..

i like to do this when I’m procrastinating..i will go online to get some hot gossips.. browsing those blogs..facebooking..sneaking on my friend's page [haha]..flickr or get some desktop wallpaper..downloading latest songs.. and keep on browsing until i found it bores me [hahaha]  i do this maybe every month or so..in fact, i’m going to go do that right now!haha..sengal betol saye [hee]

Take a walk.. 

Haha..rase nye this is what i always did [wajib kot] sume tempat saye tawaf kot.often this is all I need especially if i've been sitting all day and my blood is pooling up in my butt and legs..[hehe] i need to get that blood circulating la konon nye.padahal nak begosip kot [hahaha] like seriously..it bores me to death kot kalo dudok 24/7 at your place.and at least..kite tau jugak what's happening around you.btol tak..hee..

Call my loved one.. 

hee..i guess this is what i did last time.used to do this [hehe] and since Incek Daniel dah semakin busy with his schedules..kekadang jela saye bwat.but believe me..when we felt this kind of boredom feeling..it is a better time to call someone to catch up..to tell them you love them..to just say hi…than when you’ve got nothing better to do.it’s a nice way to stay connected ya'll..[hee]

Organize my files..

okay..this might seem boring to many people, but believe it or not..i used to do this.sebabnye kekadang there's a time saye perasan yang tempat saye cam 'sampah' [haha] everythings scattered all over the table.itu blom lagi dengan bebarang orang laen yang sangat 'baek hati' tompang parking kat meja saye.so bile saye bohsan..i get a perverse satisfaction from purging useless stuff and having everything be smaller..neater..and in order.ala..it doesn't take long pon..~

Write a blog post..

ahaks! this is something i love to do when things get slow..macam skarang [buwekkss!]i’ll just call up a text file and start writing.i love lists, of course [you guys should know that by now],so often i’ll just start making a list..and writing down my thoughts.lepas tu saved kat draft.if things are really slow,i’ll do the whole blog post..hee..to be true..my posted entries was lesser than the one that had been safely kept on my drafts [haha]

Drink some water..

Haha..this is funny!but seriously..i drink gallons of water [ahaha..gallons tuh.tengok pundi kencing la] well..this is common sense ya'll..dehydration can make us tired and sluggish.and that's why we tend to feel lazy-bumm macam saye..malas blabla..so,water can refresh us!keep that water coming all day long  even you may need to pee more though..just like me [haha] toilet pon sampai dah naek muak tengok saye kott.but bear in mind..do not let the aircond's ON..hee

Meditate at my desk..a.k.a BERTAPA.. 

some people would say this is just a fancy term for taking a nap..but heyy..for me the key is not to fall asleep, but to close my eyes and focus on my breathing..[haha..konon jek kan] nothing new-agey about this as it could brings your focus back to the present and calms you..tapi kan the bad thing is..sometimes it’ll calm you so much until you fall asleep [haha!!!] it happens to me twice.bile tjage jek..rase energetic jek [hee]

Gossiping with my girlfriends.. 

haha..be positive guys!we're not talking bad/nasty okeyhh..we're talking about facts![haha]facts means something that is TRUE..~well..kekadang jek cakap something bad.itupon sebab orang yang di gossip sangat 'yayatt' to us.hee..so they deserved [hahaha]

p/s : it's not an exhaustive list of ideas..just some things i've done to keep my mind busy.so fellas..i think those might work..believe me.ahaks!!

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Dissapointment

Assalamualaikum peeps!

duhh..i guess again..i'm abandoning my 'precious' [huu..maaf incek blog,i sangat busy].and yeah,i am so busy with those redundant stuffs.al-maklumla..end of the year.harusla banyak jek keje nak kene bwat.and time-time ni la macam-macam event nak bwat.but deep down inside..i felt so reckless.sebabnye..saye baru realized that i'd missed a few entries. i should share and erupt my happy feelings on those special day that happened to me lately..my best-friend's wedding,my student's farewell partaayy..my birthday blabla [nyesal..] and since i'd left my diary thingy..i guess 'this' is the only place that i used to placed my treasured memories and bile ade a few things yang ter missed..obviously rase sangat menyesal [huhu] lepasni kene smangat blogging balik [haha]

anyway..a part of me now dah terase sangat relieved.one by one dah settled.so takdela rase burdened sangat dengan keje-keje yang btimbun tak bwat [haha] done with my Majlis Suai Mesra Bersama Alumni KKBK yesterday.gosh..it reminds me how hard it is to make everything runs smoothly.i felt thankful to have a good friends and students that willing to help [thank u so much!] Alhamdulillah..now i have to focused more on 'another' which almost meeting the dateline! haiyoo..~banyak keje pon..still today rase sangat tak produktif [haha] i left those workloads behind and since morning..i keep on browsing a few blogs..reading news..facebooking [whoops!] blabla..yes..i am a lazy-bum today! mampos kalo big boss tau.silap haribulan..kene sack kot [tapi saye happy jek kalo kene 'sack' ke another place] ahaks!

p/s: owhh..i'm such a lazy-bumm today!!!

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♥ Thank You For All Birthday Wishes ♥

Dear my beloved family, soulmate, friends & students..

Thank you so much for making my birthday even more special with all your wonderful wishes! Trust me..it definitely means a lot!!i am such a lucky girl to have wonderful friends and family who care enough about me to take a minute out of their day to call, write and text me beautiful messages! Thank you all so very much. You don't know how much it means to me, and how much I really needed it!!! hee..~

Personal notes for my beloved family..

i just wanted to thank you again for the impromptu birthday celebration at our beautiful home. the birthday cake and those wishes..like seriously, i was so happy and touched when our little Hannan sang me a birthday song..and everyone's love..thank you. what I do have of course is all of you and that makes every day special.

And you..my soulmate..

you are so sweet to remember my big day!  i appreciate all you did very much,including your time and attention in the midst of your own hectic schedules..just to meet me. i extremely love the chocolate and of cos..the adorable fossil wristwatch where i was so damn surprised and felt like dying to see it when you give it to me. those birthday wishes that you whispered..i will definitely won't forget it. Thanks again for thinking of me, B..~

Here's my BIG love to all..

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